I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
