420 ftw
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
