her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
