She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
