i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
