I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
