i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
