sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he laminated a picture of his dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
