so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
