We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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