lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
