somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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