All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
