Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
