Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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