Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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