i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
