After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
