even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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