Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
