i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize