Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
