You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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