Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
