I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize