my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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