my soul wont recognize me after tonight
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
