can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize