in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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