I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
