Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
