you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
