And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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