He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
