There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
