I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This toilet bowl is my home.
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