Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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