He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
