After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
