Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
