Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
