Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
