I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
