You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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