As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
