someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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