we have officially lost it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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