we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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