I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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