Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
