Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
