Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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