It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im part way to drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize