and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was like eating out sand paper
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize