I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
