I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
