We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
