you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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