no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
