2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
