2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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