You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
