if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
