just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize