my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
