the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
