So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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