He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize