Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you never un-have a 4some
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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