what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
