So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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